Al een tijdje zit mij iets dwars. Ik heb het gevoel alsof ik tussen twee werelden zit.

Claire, waarom doe je toch zo moeilijk?

Deze vraag kreeg ik laatst naar mijn hoofd geslingerd. Moeilijk doen? Ja, als in vegetarisch eten, dierproefvrije producten gebruiken, fair fashion dragen en het scheiden van afval. Bijna nooit spontaan in een restaurant eten zonder te checken of er wat vega is. Nooit alles bij één supermarkt kopen omdat ze daar geen lekkere vleesvervangers hebben. Of gebruik maken van de 1+1 gratis aanbiedingen op L’Oréal omdat het merk op dieren test. Nouja moeilijk, het is makkelijker om het niet te doen. Geen vragen stellen en gewoon consumeren en verbruiken. Lekker alles eten, op je gezicht smeren en alle boodschappen bij de Appie kopen. Waarom moeilijk doen, als het ook makkelijk kan?

Claire, waarom doe je niet meer?

Deze vraag stel ik mezelf vaak. Mijn kledingkast puilt nog steeds uit van de kleding die ik niet draag. Ik ben gevoelig voor de koopjes bij de Action en heb meer notitieboekjes die ik aankan. Het liefst neem ik een lange én warme (lees: hete)  douche. Daarbij eet ik wel vegetarisch, maar veganistisch is natuurlijk nog beter. Beter voor het milieu, de dieren en je eigen gezondheid. Desondanks eet ik nog steeds kaas, zuivel of eieren ook al is het wel minder. Daarbij kan ik niet al mijn afval kwijt in een mason jar. In tegendeel zelfs.

Nu is het niet mijn doel om in een zelfgemaakt hutje in the middle of nowhere te wonen. Als ik Boer Berthie was misschien wel. Desondanks zou ik toch véél meer kunnen doen?! Gek genoeg heb ik ook het idee alsof dat van me wordt verwacht. Met zo’n groene blog geef je toch het signaal af dat je vegan/zero waste/hippie bent. Dat ben ik nog niet. Ik kan doen alsof ik dat wel ben, maar that’s not me. Ik voel me, zoals Amke beschreef: ‘te klein voor het tafellaken en te groot voor het servet’.

Een voorbeeld

Een vriendin van mij had een leuke gebeurtenis gevierd. Ik vroeg aan haar hoe ze dat gevierd had. Ze durfde het niet te zeggen. Ik begreep er niks van. “Ja, met spareribs”. Oh god. Mensen verzwijgen dus serieus dingen omdat ik dus vegetarisch eet. Ook hoor ik heel vaak sorry als iemand vlees op zijn brood heeft. Girl, zo lang ik het maar niet hoef te eten. Het maakt me écht niet uit.

Of een tweede voorbeeld

Ik wil al heel lang een super lekker recept plaatsen. Het is een recept genaamd shakshuka. Een veel gegeten gerecht in het Midden-Oosten. Super budget vriendelijk, mega lekker én makkelijk. Alleen: het is niet vegan. Er zitten eieren in. Als ik het recept plaats ben ik bang dat ik mijn vegan-volgers beledig. Die eten geen eieren. Niet dat ik ooit een gemene reactie heb gekregen van een veganist. Maar ik wil niemand voor het hoofd stoten.

Leuk verhaal, lekker kort

Ja wat wil ik hiermee zeggen?! Geen idee. Het is een struggle waarmee ik (en denk ik) anderen worstelen. In de ogen van de één ben ik extreem, in de ander doe ik niet genoeg. Ik voel me serieus schuldig als ik mijn naam zie op lijsten met vegan blogs. Niet dat het hun schuld is, mijn blog heeft ook veel vegan onderwerpen. Maar daardoor heb ik het gevoel alsof ik niet voldoe aan een beeld dat anderen van mij hebben. Ik kan daardoor best boos worden op mijzelf. Waarom doe ik niet gewoon zero waste, vegan en fair? Aan de andere kant weet ik dat ik ook al groen goed bezig ben. Voor sommigen misschien zelfs iets te goed.

Met mijn blog probeer ik ondanks mijn volle kledingkast, occasional gebakken eitje en teveel aan afval, toch een groen steentje bij te dragen. Ik hoop dat je iets leert van mijn struggles, fouten en tips. Of dat je het op zijn minst vermakelijk vind om dit te lezen. Normaal plaats ik liever niet een persoonlijk artikel, want zo boeiend ben ik helemaal niet. Toch had ik de behoefte om dit te delen. Misschien herken je dit wel?

Ik ben heel benieuwd of je deze struggle herkent of wat je mening hierover is!

Afbeelding mason jar: Trash Is For Tossers

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